A Matter of Pride
by AutumnDawn21
Summary: Sakura is a caring person. But some lessons need to be learned the hard way. -And with increased knowledge comes enlightenment of past experiences. Sakura-centric.


Haruno Sakura shivered slightly as she followed her master through the cool, impersonal hallways of Konoha's largest medical f

Haruno Sakura shivered slightly as she followed her master through the cool, impersonal hallways of Konoha's largest medical facility: Konoha Memorial Hospital, so named in honor of the countless shinobi that had died in its chilly, monochromatic steel bed frames. The air conditioning was on full blast, banishing the blazing July winds of Fire Country from within the orderly hospital walls.

Sakura could see the patients- scarred, wounded, and generally throbbing in shared agony- through glass panels fixed in the doors. They curled up beneath their thin cotton spreads, ignoring the liberal stains of blood besmirching the previously pristine white sheets. She saw the woman she had helped heal the other day twitching in suppressed anguish as she tried in vain to force her abused midriff to curl. She was panting from exertion, unwilling to let her own body best her, too affected by the frosty, artificial air to allow her self to go without the additional warmth the fetal-like position would give her.

She started to the door, if only to retrieve another blanket, but Tsunade stopped her with a light hand to the shoulder. The legendary medic followed her gaze and shook her head sadly. "She must deal with it on her own."

"But-"

"_Sakura._" Sakura winced, looking guiltily up at her master, expecting a reproachful glare. Instead, she was met with soft understanding, stained dark with sorrowful undertones. "Do you remember your teammates?"

Sakura winced again, "It's only been two years, Tsunade-shisou."

The blonde's eyes were still soft, "Do you remember how they acted, I mean. More stubborn then bulls set on red, the pair of them." Her laughter was low and soft, somehow befitting for the clinical atmosphere. "And Naruto, don't even get me started! His stubbornness was what dragged me back here."

The younger girl blinked, she hadn't known that! Naruto was the reason Tsunade was Godaime Hokage? "Shisou?"

"Oh, ignore me. I'm rambling. But do you think they would have accepted help?"

Mint-green eyes darkened, and Sakura turned her face away, lost in bitter memories.

_A sharp slap rings throughout the room, closely followed by the loud clatter of a falling metal tray and the soft, wet thuds of apple slices hitting the smooth wooden planks. A knife impacts creamy, welcoming walls with a __**thump**__, its cusp digging a cavity through the soft plaster. Crisp, flavorful apple juices seep their way downward, dying white dark in an ominous omen of what was to come. _

"No…" her voice was a mere whisper, picked up by chilly winds and whipping by out of sight and hearing.

But Tsunade had heard her as well as if she had screamed. She nodded resolutely, her wise brown eyes still showing the torn state she was subjected to every time she walked these halls. "If you help her, she will feel useless. Worse, she will know you are only trying to help and will force her self to be polite when all she wants is to _kill_something. By showing her compassion she will read your pity, and she will grow bitter for it." The medic shook her head, sending long, blonde pigtails to fling about in a haphazard dance. "It's… hard."

The pinkette lifted her head in surprise, somehow shocked that this self-assured avatar of puissance would admit to such a weakness. It was irrational, she supposed, but somewhere along the way Tsunade had been put up on a pedestal, and now she had come down off of it. Sakura couldn't decide whether to be elated at this new, unheralded, _human_Tsunade, or terrified.

The Godaime chuckled weakly at her apprentice's gob-smacked visage. "Don't look at me like that, kid. You obviously feel it too, or you wouldn't have set off toward the room in the first place."

"H- hai…"

She smiled, and resumed their previous pace. "You must remember Sakura, that to most our House of Healing is a place to fear. It traps them, shows them that they are too weak, too _useless_, that they don't have enough power to protect themselves or their loved ones. This building, deep within almost every mind, is feared.

"People _die_here, Sakura. More so than the front lines, a hospital is to be feared because by being brought here it is admitted that you came close to dieing. They can't hide from themselves anymore, denying the grim reality. When you hear that your best friend was taken to the hospital, what would your reaction be?"

"I'd… panic, I guess. Run right in and demand what I could do to help, if she was okay, asking everyone what happened."

"Yes. And what about if you heard she'd been sent on a high-risk mission?"

"Well… we're ninja, right? I know it's going to happen. She has people watching her back, and she's obviously been judged capable of handling it. I'd still worry, but…"

"See? You know there's a chance she might get hurt on a mission, but you also know that there are people there to keep her safe, and that the mission was judged to be safe. In a hospital you know no such thing. You know that she's been injured, and the doctors wont tell you what's wrong. Sometimes they won't tell _her_what's wrong, and you don't know if there's some obscure reason why. All you know is that when people are badly hurt, they go to hospitals. And sometimes they die. On a battlefield, deaths are distant, somehow detached, but here, in Konoha where we're supposed to be safe, it's all too personal."

"…" Sakura was silent and Tsunade continued to stride onward, allowing her apprentice time to mull through what the older woman had said.

Finally, just as they had reached the doors of their destination, Sakura spoke, "I think…" she paused, "I think that's silly. But I can understand it."

Tsunade smiled, a broad, full smile that made Sakura relax minutely, relieved that she had pleased her master. "Everything is stupid when you look at it from all angles. But at the time, and sometimes even after, it makes perfect sense. Did you know I had hemophobia for years? I was afraid of death, too afraid to touch it.

"But by refusing to fight my fear, many people died. I feared death itself, and because I could not face it, it kept on taking even when I held the power to stop its assault. But I did it for a reason, and looking back, I'd probably have the same reaction even knowing what I do now."

Sakura smiled sadly, "Every day I think, 'If I could just go back in time.' Maybe it would make things better. Maybe it wouldn't. But I can't, and things have happened that I can't control. I couldn't stop Sasuke from leaving, I couldn't stop him and Naruto from fighting, and I can't seem to stop my team from falling apart!" Tears were glinting in her eyes now, but Tsunade kept her peace, watching and waiting, sensing this wasn't the end.

It wasn't.

"I could've stopped hating Naruto, I could've stopped fighting Ino, I could've stopped chasing Sasuke and actually tried to be a kunoichi. I could've been a better daughter; I could've been a better student. I should've gotten it through my head long ago that book smarts don't make a shinobi!" Her eyes hardened dangerously, and Tsunade- who was about to step in- allowed her self a secret smile and stayed as she was.

"Maybe I _could_ have done all those things. Maybe I even _should_ have. But I didn't. I'm not perfect, and I realize that now. I'm human, and humans make mistakes. But that's what makes humanity so special. We have the power to make mistakes and learn from them. I _could_ have all that. Maybe, in another life, I did. But I didn't, and now I'm doing my best to make up for lost time. And sometimes I admit to myself that I couldn't really have done anything else. It was who I was back then, just as the person I am now wouldn't shriek in terror at the sight of an enemy.

"You were a different person, then; just as I was. Sometimes people need a little push to get them on their feet, but after that it's all them."

Tsunade smiled, and gave the girl a brief hug, "A little off topic, but true none-the-less. Now!" She changed topics with the ease of long practice, "Are you ready for your test?"

Sakura gulped at the sight of her master's malicious grin, the deep confidence she had gained on the walk over vanishing in a nanosecond.

But on that short, five-minute walk, Sakura had found herself. All it took was a stubborn, prideful Chuunin to injured to move forcing her tired body to comply with her wishes, and a few words from a wise source. It stoked an inner fire within her body, warming a hearth gone cold long ago. Now that it burned, no wind, no matter how strong or frigid, could put it out.

At fourteen years old Haruno Sakura passed a rigorous test and became one of the youngest fully active medics in Konohagakure. She walked down Konoha Memorial Hospital's bland halls five days a week, from the deepest days of winter to the hottest day of summer, all the while a chill breeze whistled through the corridors.

She never shivered again when faced with their leaching, icy tendrils.

I'm not sure if _**I**_ get this, and I wrote it! Basically, a few weeks ago I was feeling very deep and typed this up. Now I'm feeling guilty for neglecting this site in favor of finals (7 DAYS!) and decided to put this up as a peace offering (DON'T HURT ME!)

Bye, luvs -SoraAzami


End file.
